I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
