They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
