Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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