I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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