She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
