Me too!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
