she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
