I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
