dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
