I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
