please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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