508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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