You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
