she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
