i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize