We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
