fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
