Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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