JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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