chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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