my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Randomize
