she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
