On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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