yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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