I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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