Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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