mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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