Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
