what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
