and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
