Already got asked if we're dating
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
