Define "chronic" masturbator.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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