The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
