Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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