Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My feet surprised me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
