I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
