dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
