Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
