i just had sex bonerless
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize