Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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