you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
