I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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