South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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