umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
