I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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