he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize