I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
