Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
