apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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