bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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