also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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