Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
