you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
