tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
