i barfeds in our rink
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
