1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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