Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
