i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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