So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
