u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
