it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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