Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize