Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
