I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
