I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
