so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
