just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize