And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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