i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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