"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
