she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
