take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
