Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize
