i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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